Miss Ghaliah

The Labour Of Love

2009-06-01T22:56:00.002+08:00

To earn money, we have to work hard. To obtain a good grade, we have to study hard. To achieve quality health in emotion, mental and physical, we have to watch what we eat, do, think, and feel. To accomplish a goal of climbing a mountain to its summit, we have to practice hard on getting fit and equipped.

To learn a new skill, we have to keep trying at it until it becomes a second skin ability. And to make it through life, we have to be ready and receptive of all the challenges that await, and the struggles to suffer.

Now, who said that relationships and love don’t require the same rules and application? Love, just like life and the above mentioned, commands the same amount of effort, time, energy, breath, sweat, tears, money, sacrifice, pain and patience.

And why does it take that much? Firstly, because that is the nature of love in relationships, and secondly, because it’s a goal and aspiration that is beautifully worth each step of our attempt and exertion.

Do you own a mantelpiece where you display pictures of your proudest moments and the trophies and awards that you earned and achieved? Which of your selection do you prize and adore the most?

I bet it’s the only one that to your eyes is equivalent to gold, that you’d never trade anything for, and every time that you pass by it you wouldn’t hesitate to give it a wink and sigh of relief and gratification.

And why is that?

Perhaps because it’s the one that you worked the hardest for, spent your utmost labour, sacrifice and determination on, lost sleep and sanity for, almost drowned and failed in, but was most importantly what you survived at, did not surrender to,developed your strength from, creating a mark that will forever remain.

Am I right?

Now take the latter scenario and place it parallel to your whirlwind love life, of which you find you can’t take it anymore, because it’s getting “too much for me to handle”. I’ve been up and I’ve been down, I’ve fallen and I’ve gotten up.

Hear this from me that you can too. There HAS to be a catastrophe SOMEWHERE along the relationship, to make you change things that need to be changed, and learn things that need to be learned. No love relationship will succeed without fights, near-end breakups, tough times, emotional disasters, and absolutely painful heartaches.

Because ironically those elements bring growth, interest, and continued existence to the relationship, as they make you learn more about who you are and what you can be, as well as what exists in the fascinating depths of life, challenge your tolerance limits beneficially, and overall power you up to survive adversity better.

Whoever that claims to be flying through their life and love with no obstacles is either born lucky or blatantly living in a facade. I am all about admitting to my shortcomings, with a purpose of fixing them, in order to breathe easier and decrease stress. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it. Swallow that bitter pill even.

Why, because that is life. You live, you learn. If you try hard, you should win, but if you don’t, accept it, and move on. Don’t linger too long, you’ll get lost. I learned all this on my own, through these roller coaster experiences. I hold the challenges that I’ve survived quite dear to me now, because of how much I’ve gained and changed, despite how agonizing the ride has been.

Relationships are not easy, never has been, and never will be. It’s just a matter of time before the differences express themselves and attempt to collapse both of you, either in the beginning, middle, or end.

Mine arrived early, but I view it as positive, for it only brings me assurance that my later will be better since I’ve already been smashed with the bad. How much worse can it get? I’ve gone through the theatrical fights, which is always the climax and beginning of the end. And I’m still here, making it through. Kudos to me.

Love is labour, love is pain, love is a sacrifice, and essentially, love takes two.

The fact that you have a man and a woman, of completely contrasting nature, behavior, mindset, and gender is eerie enough. It calls out loud for trouble and differences. And what happens when we have differences? We have war. The world demonstrates this point well.

Countries use all kinds of missile weapons to kill each other, people break into rage and violence, and the same goes for a man and a woman. She will use her tongue, tears, boxing gloves, and all facial expressions to craft the best drama, while he will casually pick up his newspaper and leave. It’s quite some humour now that I reflect back.

Men and women have distinctive conversation styles, coping mechanisms, listening and attention spans, and definitions of living life and showing love. We really are from different planets, one from Venus, the other from Mars.

It’s a bittersweet thing, trying to make extreme ends meet. Sometimes it will take outsmarting one another, playing each other’s games, and becoming a situation manipulating master. And sometimes it may just take the good old patience, understanding, use of polite courtesy, and show of respect. You have to find what suits you best to keep the relationship lasting.

With that, somehow love and harmony will make it in, and some happiness and peace.

Mr and Mrs Smith

2009-06-01T22:51:00.001+08:00

After identifying that my relationship consists of two people that are highly different in just about every area in life, with such strongly opposing views and attitudes towards all things, but yet are able to be so deeply in love, and in hate, it has dawned upon me that we make a good real life example of the characters portrayed in the action packed, drama intense, movie of Mr and Mrs Smith.

We would have been a much better choice if we were hired, for we wouldn’t have to act a single scene, all the cameras would have to do is follow us around day in and out, and watch us naturally behave with our raw drama.

Mr and Mrs Smith share a love and hate relationship, but lucky thing is they are married, and I’m yet to get to that step. So these lovers are haters more than anything, their aim is to challenge each other, to win every argument, to not allow the other’s ego to prevail, and to fight verbally and physically until they kill each other’s brains and bodies out.

The old me would have not understood such ridiculous behaviour, and just wanted to call the differences a quit, however the new me is seeing another light, where such a relationship could actually be my source of learning, gaining strength, fun and humour.

It’s like eating chili, or pepper. The more hot and spicy it is, you don’t stop, you want more instead, you really want to go for it, for the fiery and zesty thrill it gives you is a real test of your tolerance. It’s quite a demented feeling actually, liking the torture, but it’s the idea of the challenge, of the dare, just how much and how far would you go, would you take it, until you collapse and admit defeat.

It’s like two Ferraris' on the racing track, competing, or two boxers in the ring, both just as good, but both wanting to win, do they end it with a truce, or call for another round. The movie depicts the love and hate power between Mr and Mrs Smith through the glass throwing, the house destroying, the gun shooting, and then the final surrender to the calling of love and romance.

You are guaranteed no boredom in such a relationship, ask me and I can testify this with great detail. The tragedy you’ll get, the drama you’ll see, the comedy you’ll enjoy, the wisdom you’ll learn, the excitement and madness you’ll feel, the care you’ll share, and the love you’ll experience, ultimately.

It’s no dry, mundane thing, you’re in for an exhilarating and twisting ride, up and down, left and right, inside and out, round and round. It is truly a stage show that is real, and gets you going, it’ll keep you on your toes, as you watch the punching and slapping, the shouting and screaming, the window breaking and fire blazing, and then the power loving.

To the Smiths and to Us, and our life and future of love and hate.

My Little Girl Dream..Not Come True

2009-05-20T12:26:00.002+08:00

As a young girl, I loved fantasy, the fairy-tale, and the happy ending. I grew up watching cartoons and movies that were filled with unrealistic stories and the kind of passion, romance and deep love, that of today does not exist.

But that didn’t stop me from continuing dreaming and believing that my life could and would resemble the same, one day. I hung onto and stuck by this dream, determined that the one I fall in love with would, by hook or by crook, make this vision and ambition come true for me, for his unconditional love for me, against all odds, would encourage, convince, and drive him to do so..

Who in this world was I kidding?

How could I have dreamed so eloquently and believed such fine perfection to exist in the seams of this testing world. Could it be about such denial, or to do with me being unlucky and not allowed such heaven of joy.

Who I am head over heels in love with now does not care much for carrying out my princess dream to come true, I don’t know what he sees of it but I’m sure its aligned with drama, emotion, no sense, no logic, too idealistic, and impracticable.

But that’s exactly it, of course you think that way because you are a man, whereas I happen to be a feminine lady, that adores intricate and ornament. I like the ribbons and the bows, the fairy-like lights, the girly plush softness.

Why can’t you see what it means to me?

You don’t even want to give it a try, to see the world from my eyes, to feel the world from my heart. This is what’s called sharing and caring, this is what a true loving relationship is supposed to work like.

Going that extra mile, putting in that extra hour, trying over and harder again, learning from mistakes and not repeating the same, embracing the differences and working towards converging, meaning the words we say and then showing them by our actions, honouring each other first before the world and the rest – That is how I love, how I have dreamed to love, and what my precious one deserves.

Unfortunately, He and Me disagree.

I don’t know what your definition of love is. Perhaps it is because you lack experience in it, but yet do not even feel the need to learn about it, you seem to find your original way of loving me as enough, when in fact it’s not.

I have learned what means a lot to you, but I wish you’d find it in your time to learn what means a lot to me. I don’t know if you have any dreams, you’ve never spoken of them, but I’m pretty sure yours have to do with simple and small. While mine are big and far.

And for that mine becomes the dream that is out of reach and thus not significant, while yours being easier gets all attention.

Will you wait until its too late?

I hope you realize what my little girl dream means to me, and I hope you’ll care about it one day. To be loved for my yes and my no, To be loved for my up and my down, To be loved because it is love for me that makes your life complete.

It would be so sad if all my words go into vain and down the drain now, and nothing is picked up by you, and none of my dreams valued by you. I’ll forever live with a hole in my heart, empty from that dream that died. I’ll never be loved the way I envisioned to be, I’ll never taste that care I’ve been needing and searching, and I’ll never get the happy ending I thought I’d have.

Nevertheless, if you can’t give me my dream, then my dream I’ll give to you..

Like Nicole said, Happily Never After.. for me.

The Necessity Of Experiences

2009-05-20T12:18:00.001+08:00

Many a time almost all of us are made to undergo and bear with experiences which we don’t like, that test and hurt us. And sometimes, as a reward, we get the opposite, where the experience is a moment we’ll always treasure, positive and happy.

The pattern makes common sense if you give it a thought. The experiences that are painful or difficult, are existent to teach us a lesson in ultimately making us learn about life and our strength, while the experiences that are easier and lighter, filled with cheerful laughter and smiles, are present to compensate for the previous suffer and struggle.

Do you see it?

I think that’s just the way the ball rolls, in my opinion. It complements well with the theory of life’s ups and downs, happiness and sadness, birth and death. It’s just that cycle of life, that journey of life.

I guess it can never be straight, it has to bend, wind, and turn, at some points of our life. For if it didn’t, how would we learn, how would we know. Experiences help us, whether we like that or not, they bring us to the next step. Yes, school may teach us the theory, but what is theory without application and practice? What is that science project if we do not experiment out the theory in a practical lab. Just as good as nothing.

I’ve always hated bitter experiences, they make me lose my mind, and water my eyes out. But the problem is, we humans need them..

We were placed on this earth to learn, to educate, and life was given to us for that purpose. For some things, we can learn the point of it alongside having fun. But forget not, for the other half, we may have to learn it with some misery.

The grand result of it is our prize, either in the form of strength, wisdom, a higher immunity against life’s challenges, or better status, and confidence. It all differs individually. No one can run away from experiences happening upon them, eventually those that have been through a lot are just more able to cope, and the severity of the experience lessens, thus becoming wiser.

Essentially, experiences are key, for each prepares you for the next one..

Hard Work All The Way

2009-05-20T12:13:00.003+08:00

“Smooth roads never make good drivers. Calm seas never make good sailors. Clear skies never make good pilots. A problem free life never makes a strong person.”

“At times the ladder of success appears insurmountable. Just remember that the field of flowers was started seed by seed, blossom by blossom, step by step.”

Say you aspire to climb a mountain, most likely do you think it’ll be a difficult task or an easy one? If you answered easy, then I believe you made a hasty decision and didn’t really think the question through.

But if you answered the first option, that it’d be a difficult and tiresome process, then you’re well on the way to knowing what lies ahead and accepting the actual truth of this life. That if you want to achieve success, you have to inject a significant amount of effort. If you are yearning for something worthwhile, the route will be tough.

To reach the summit of the mountain, along the way you’re going to need many breaks and rests to recharge your energy, refresh your mind, body, and soul with new inspiration and strength, with remembrance of your goal and purpose.

It’s an uphill climb, and there are bound to be boulders that will be in your way to confront you and perhaps even change your route, you’ll fall frontwards and backwards, your body will suffer tremendously, but your soul and mind will shout a spirit to you to never give up but keep trying hard.

There really is no highway or easy way to reaching the top, you have to start from the bottom and work your way up. Only through that method will you really salute, take your own hat off, and and pat your own back, for the pride and reward that you deserve, thanks to your faith, strength, and willpower in making it to your destination.

To build that sensation, to earn that victory, it really is about hard work all the way, pushing your might and learning along. Only winners don’t give up, but losers do. We run and sprint till the finish line.

This philosophy applies to almost all situations of life. You can’t land a job as the big boss and make millions from having nothing, you have to begin from below and waddle your way up the corporate ladder, as tough and rough. You can’t be an expert in a skill, profession, or subject, without enduring the ups and downs of learning and preparing first.

Same goes with a relationship, happily ever afters suffer a lot of sweat and tears to make it down the aisle, making it precisely all the more precious. It’s those that we have to fight for, chase after, don’t give up on, that are most worth it and treasured in our life.

The things that come to us easily with a breeze, is what we forget fast, for we were not part of the investment, effort, time and pain. Sorrow represents challenges that test our strength. Without the pain, we would never know how to appreciate the pleasure. We attach the highest importance for the achievements that we worked our hardest for.

Overnight successes are rare. It’s all about practicing discipline, self-determination, training your brain to believe, and controlling your emotions to stay focused. Hang on tight to your dreams, put your mind on your goals, and try your best!

Love is ?!

2009-05-20T12:09:00.001+08:00

The ones that love us, are the ones that hurt us the most. Why then do we still stay with them and continue to take the pain. Is it their power over us, or is it our heart that can’t seem to leave. Why do we still stick around if they don’t know how to treat us well, why do we carry on surviving the self torture.

Do we believe in love that much and that’s why we’re still staying put. Is there more love, or is there more pain, in the relationship. Even if you try to weigh both ends out, you’ll never reach a balance, and then what, should you stay or leave? The problem is the experience of the highest highs and the lowest lows, when you’re happy, you’re incredibly over the top happy, but when he’s hurt you, the sadness is unbelievable, enough to make you want to pull the plug.

And that’s the point that we all fail in, we keep staying, and trying, suffering, and trying, this pattern is never ending. It’s never fair. So what should you do?

My Say on Family Politics

2009-05-14T15:08:00.001+08:00

Years back in the olden of times, the call of ‘family’ was looked upon by the eye as a prestigious and priceless gift from the divine, where the constituents represent beings derived from the same womb, with the awe of blood as an underlying association, coupled with the marriage of values, love, care, strength, and support, that binds the soul of the parent and the offspring to cherish and unite, like no other phenomenon. However, for the reason of modernism and its bold contribution in shaping the new age of today’s functions, operations and behavior, both of machine and mankind, where metal removes wood, digital replaces traditional, and words form tears, the raw and pure beauty of the meaning and existence of the family has been redefined for this recent generation as a subject matter that is alas, political and controversial.

While some family structures are lucky to still be on their feet with the internal pillars and bonds remaining cohesive, tall and strong, be it a biological unit from a western or eastern background, the other sets of families are challenged by the cold reality of spiraling tribulations that eventually roots the haunting reek of a breakdown, a dysfunction, and an unhappy ending. Of late, the honored symbol of the family as a once precious stone that needs daily polishing and monitoring, and a flower that too requires an everyday amount of water and sunlight for a bright and healthy life, now sees to itself a degrading from the higher pedestal into slops of mud and a loss of priority, nurture, attention and effort. The once special values, cultures, beliefs and rules, developed by each single household has been overpowered by the spreading disease of the world and the misinformed education absorbed, that has reached the minds, hearts, and souls of many.

One of the schools of thought that lecture on why family conflict and disharmony is on the rise in almost all regions of the earth, expresses that the path and door to understanding and appreciating the purpose and utility of a family has been left too liberal, and thus has invited in unwanted guests in the form of incorrect and immoral opinions and actions, that in time causes the true worth of the family label to be meddled with, harassed, and exploited to own schemes and advantages. Some slices of society discard what scholars have left behind, with a preference to write their own books of philosophy, hence generating mayhem for something so pure and virtuous that has been prearranged and pre-ordered by the All-Knowing for His own creations.

We sit within the circumference of a bewildered bubble, where as our fingers tap, our eyebrows fuse, and our mind procrastinates at how possibly the innocence and blessing of having a family in life can instigate a counter effect, and stir the evil of evils and curses for some few. As of today and so to speak, the sighting of a dysfunctional family pattern within society is more, ironically a norm, than an urban legend, as antique traditions have been ignored and outsmarted, and chains and brains released. Regrettably, I the author of this composition, am but a witness to my own experience of the latter, as I endure my fate of belonging to a taxing and atypical family, and have not the option to abscond but instead make the finest of both the affairs’ pros and cons.

Of an immediate family of five, I hold the position of the youngest, with parents as two and siblings of two. Within our little circle lie neither a wispy fairytale nor a dreading nightmare, but a simple average family system and agreement where debates do turn up but love and care is there to conquer and surpass. But, it is the extended family that springs the enormous headache.

And them in particular personifying this stubborn iceberg and the aggravating vein on our foreheads are the uncles and aunts from my paternal side, all ten of them, notwithstanding the also patience testing granduncles and grandaunts of which a number at hand I remember not of. Without sounding pompous but instead for the laying down of facts, the latter represents the less privileged and uneducated portion of the family, while we the party of five signify as the better off, as we attained our wealth in both monetary forms, education achievements, and employment opportunities through the respect of hard work, climbing from the bottom up till the thankful top. But by being who we are, the truth has caused the family tree to branch out into gangs, and fuel the fire for war, envy, anger, hatred, and injustice- far from the hypothetical picture perfect kin.

For the fact that our parents modestly embody the qualities of a saint, being exceptionally religious, noble and benevolent like no other have we seen, to if possible everyone in need, this realism should have in no way any blight upon us, but sigh we can only wish that were the event. Each day of the year us brood are strapped with the front row seat of watching our lovely sweet parents be abused, victimized, disturbed, and cheated, by their own blood and relations, plainly because of money hungry minds, foul black hearts, and hands with excessive time at risk, mixed with the mercy of two breathtaking God sent souls, who are unable to say no to anyone, anytime.

And so, evidently do the two unlike ideologies of Communism, by the philosophers Karl Marx, and Friederick Engles, during the dark era of production, uncertainty and inequality, and Utilitarianism, by John Stuart Mill, as well as the theories of external and internal sanctions, play a fundamental role within the plot and characters of my family’s bitter living drama and tragedy.

As the children cross examine the parents with such passion concerning the perplexity of how and why the folks can consent to such incessant oppression of being toasted, grilled, fried, and used, by not the authority but by own trivial family members, the received response sent our faces to glow with red and draw on our foreheads the label of shame and ignorance. After those said nuggets of wisdom, we the kids were convinced with the verity that our parents are indeed devoted followers and supporters of the guidance of Enlightened Self Interest, and Utilitarianism, to which also the Communist concept has found itself a snug spot in this Anonymous Family disorder.

Together my parents as beautiful swans preached to their ugly ducklings in the calmest of tones, that God has kindly channeled sound prosperity through their banks to be generously distributed and shared amongst direct family individuals in need, either urgently or lavishly, deserving or unworthy, as by doing so The Al-Mighty will grant the goodhearted with his own version of wholesome success, lifelong happiness and incomparable gratification that no man-made possession could ever measure up to- put simply, “If You Help Others, I Will Help You. The More You Give, The More I Give You. And, The More You Believe, The More You Will Receive”.

In this small scale non-fiction narrative, the principle of communism is played by God who asks and instructs that personal wealth be sacrificed for the common and greater good, which in this case are the wild needs and wants of my many uncles and aunts, where the extra accumulation of my parents’ wealth be taken away for the giving to others, as a way of ensuring equality and stability, and eradication of poverty, notwithstanding the recipient’s hands as clean or dirty, and the heart good or bad. And this frustration have we observed for 20 years coming.

More than a decade have my parents been practicing the law of utilitarianism which in essence refers to the ‘greatest happiness principle’, emphasizing moral conduct, ethical behavior, the exercise of right actions and good deeds, that if applied to oneself would reward them with self worth, a healthier self esteem, contentment for the heart, peace of mind and a better society. The institution of utilitarianism strongly highlights the promotion of happiness and the freedom from pain, where I testify saying that my parents have been living as the ideal students of such thinking, centering their steps in life around the ‘greatest good for the greatest number’ dictation.

By my parents’ spiritual power to be able to show mutual love and care, patience and decent treatment towards the extended family who are lewd leeches, crooks, cheats, and liars that know not any sense whatsoever of appreciation toward my parents the giver, neither God the supplier, we are presented with the gracious of characters adopting the Utilitarianistic pursuit of striving to be the better and higher in God’s eyes, through being the ones that can set the right behavior for the seek of quality pleasure, and the ones to withdraw from the Satan’s whispers of giving into the temptation of revenge, that would cost thyself and the rest pain and unhappiness.

As I stand from across looking at my entire family in a panorama view, I think to myself why. Why is there no justice to my parents, why are the thieves enjoying the free flow of fuller pockets without guilt, and ultimately how are we innately tied to the same blood and genes as so? There are no answers to my doubts and sorrow. I have only the dignified advice of my parents’ and their model of the Enlightened Self Interest formula to replicate- that the aim for happiness shall not be fulfilled only for one but for a greater number, and pleasing others will please you.

With a family filled with idiosyncrasies, malfunctions, imbalance and class divisions, it is no wonder that we innocent children have but to frequently battle between the moral obligations of our internal sanctions and external sanctions, testing us in whether to choose the devil and retaliate and sin and thus be punished, or is our maturity apt enough to allow the angel and our conscience to prevail by obeying for the glory of rewards. The issue lies in us, and the choice at our hands, as being the products of two great persons, wanting to do good and be good like them, or would we prefer to denominate ourselves to the level of the unethical and uneducated bunch. By accepting the communistic approach in our lives in a positive light, as well as integrating the Utilitarianistic attitude into our lifestyles, profits both the single and the many, as each altruistic act adds attributes to becoming better earth residents, gaining one also points for the afterworld.

How is one to love and adore their family associations when the underlying foundation is built from deceit. How is a family to develop strength and harmony when communication links exist not, when values and morals have no significance to the villains- which thus brings us back to the gloomy truth that the family is no longer a delicate mystic nor special marvel that merges beings together, that has instead become a moral and political struggle, capable of being broken and torn, hollow and inconsequential. Yet at the end of the day, inevitably, the cliché saying of “We are Family” concludes the fight, where we learn to forgive and forget, just as God does so. As much as I would like to throw my uncles and aunts into a thrilling pot of boiling water for the taste of pain and scars, I could only utter but never imagine, as the utilitarianism ethics displayed by my parents overpowers, alongside the divine teaching from above that cautions us from such. In simplicity- My family is my family, and I have to accept them as so, until death does us part…

Miss Ghaliah

2009-05-14T14:03:00.004+08:00

She puts life into words for you to read, as she conjures stories that spin with whirling emotions of sweet and sour, and surprising twists of drama and spice that turn when you least expect. She brings you along on her journey of self-discovery, recording her encounters and collections of life experiences, that ultimately shape and complete her identity, from yesterday to tomorrow.

For the enlightenment of everyone, she shares the ups and downs of life that cross her path, and the learning and trying that needs be worked on each single day to remain a survivor on earth. She seeks sanity, happiness, and peace, amidst the chaos and confusion of the outside that we witness today. Everyone deserves a better life, and because it is short, the more we shall we appreciate.

Sticking by the properties of faith, hope, love, and patience, she looks to religion for strength and inspiration, has determination to achieve progress and success, and strives to make the best out of the little. Pleased to have this platform as a communication channel to the world, it is in her will to write both personally and professionally what she hopes readers will enjoy.